Observation: Thoughts On Home Improvement Projects

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely ignorant when it comes to household projects – I can nail wood together and do basic repairs, just nothing complicated like: electrical, plumbing, drywall, roofing, tiling and anything structural.  Basically, my strengths lie in the design, the layout and the finishing, which I guess could be called decorating.  In one recent project, I changed out the handle on our garage door (ie, remove the broken handle and install the newly purchased Home Depot handle into the existing holes, and to my satisfaction (and amazement if I’m being completely honest), it functioned perfectly!  When you turn the handle, the latch expertly performed as it should.  Riding the high from my hardware success I was elated and justifiably eager to boastfully share this conquest with my friends.

 

That evening, we were invited to our friends Allan and Paul’s house for dinner – during the evening, Paul casually turned to his partner Allan and asked, “why don’t you show them what you’re working on downstairs?”  Seeing this as the ideal opportunity to discuss my stupendous door hardware accomplishment, I eagerly followed our hosts and fellow dinner guests to see the little project Allan was attempting and await my opening.  Once downstairs we were shown the spare bedroom Allan was building – studs, drywall, doors and all (I felt my conquest begin to diminish).  It got worse.  “This,” Paul began, “was where the furnace used to be, so Allan relocated it into that room over there.  Wait, you moved the fucken furnace?  Apparently, (it was explained) it is as simple as dismantling the unit, relocating and reassembling the unit in the new space, rerouting the ductwork, the gas lines and the electrical… oh, and he had to relocate the structural beam which supports the entire house, to neatly tuck the newly reassembled unit into the previously unusable space behind the stairs.

 

“Did you have trouble finding a contractor?” I squeaked hopefully.  “Problems finding a Contractor,” Allan retorted comically, “I did the work myself – everything you need to know is online.”  “He spends hours on YouTube,” Paul added helpfully.  “You should have seen him working the jackhammer.  He’s quite the stud!”

 

“Jackhammer…?” I weakly inquired, not wanting to know.

 

“Yes, for the new ensuite bathroom he’s installing through that door behind you …”. Fuck me!

 

I decided then that sharing my door hardware conquest could wait.